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Composure: Being Strong for Life

By: Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D.

On one occasion in 1969, the unit I was advising came under attack. As we received small arms and mortar fire, I had to assess the tactical situation while coaching the Vietnamese commander and calling for artillery fire. When two soldiers were wounded, I called for a dust-off (medical evacuation helicopter). It was a dangerous, fast-paced situation, but a typical one for an infantry advisor. I adjusted the artillery fire and kept my senior advisor informed on the radio. I knew that the tone of my voice had to sound under control and matter-of-fact, as if I were placing an order for office supplies.

My wife once asked me where I learned how to keep my cool. I told her I didn't learn it in a classroom. I had been placed in difficult situations countless times during my years at West Point and in the Army, and I was expected to remain calm and collected. I learned by doing.

The dangers faced by policemen, firemen and emergency medical technicians are equally unsettling. But that’s not the point. Composure is crucial in the everyday lives of ordinary people, who have to deal with a difficult boss, manage anger, avoid a traffic accident, take care of a child’s playground injury, recover from a mistake and do what has to be done while experiencing loss.

What sports professionals say about keeping a cool head...

"You hit a bad shot, you have to get over it right there and then so you can get focused on the next one." - Tiger Woods, American professional golfer (1975- )

“You can’t score from the penalty box.” - Bobby Hull, American professional hockey player (1939- )

“If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you’ll die a lot of times.” - Dean Smith, American college basketball coach (1931- )

What wise people were saying a few thousand years ago...

“Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, and in the right way—that is not easy.” - Aristotle, Greek philosopher (B.C. 384-322)

“The little reed, bending to the force of the wind, soon stood upright again when the storm had passed over.” - Aesop, Greek fabulist (B.C. 620-560)

"If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will avoid one hundred days of sorrow." - Chinese Proverb

“When anger rises, think of the consequences.” - Confucius, Chinese philosopher (B.C.551-479)

A failure to exercise composure can lead to disastrous consequences. The challenge is to keep your wits about you no matter how bad things seem. You do this by setting aside the negative emotions that naturally arise in a high-stress situation, so you can think straight and deal with problems effectively. You can get in touch with your emotions later, after the crisis is over. Knowing you can be mentally tough in tough situations is half the battle.

You know you can:

- Take a deep breath, calm yourself and do what you have to do.
- Say to yourself, “Not now. Now is not the time to be emotional. I’ll put that aside for now and deal with this situation the best way I can.”
- Postpone saying or doing anything until you calm down.
- Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen here?” or “How important will this event be in three days, three months, or three years?”
- Steel yourself to do hard things and endure whatever’s involved. For something really important, you can put up with a lot.

Unless you live a protected life, your next crisis is probably already on its way, coming at you from the future. It's reassuring to know that you have the inner strength to stand up to the surprises life hands out and just deal with the situation.

Article Source: http://www.articledestination.com

Dennis E. Coates is CEO of Performance Support Systems, author of MindFrames, a brain-based personality assessment system (www.initforlife.com) and co-founder of the Train-to-Ingrain alliance (www.train-to-ingrain.com, info@train-to-ingrain.com, 800-488-6463), which delivers a reinforcement-centered approach to learning and development that achieves permanent, measurable improvements in workplace behavior and positive impacts on business results.


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