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Since we were little we have had the concept of forgiveness drummed in our heads. Whether it was from our religious teachers, parents or the school teacher, by the time we were teens many of us had our fill of forgiveness. It seemed more like a torture than something that was supposed to be a blessing. As adults we know we are supposed to forgive, but most of us have lost the true benefit of forgiveness and the reason for doing so. The traditional way of looking at forgiveness was to relieve ourselves of carrying the burden of pain and suffering that resulted from the actions of others. For example, let's say my best friend spoke badly about me to our group of friends and created a whole drama. As a result I took the whole thing personally and became angry with her. Now every time I see her I want to scream at her for the damage she created in my life. Normally I would forgive her because I would finally realize she was doing what she thought was best, even if it was a hurtful action. I would not want to have the experience of getting mad at her every time I would see her, so letting the whole thing go benefits me and my blood pressure, and her because she is no longer at risk of me killing her. When we forgive in this way we are always in the process of forgiveness because we are always in the process of judging the words and actions of everyone around us. So in the end, this kind of repetitive forgiveness is not very effective. The most common definition of forgiveness is this: forgiveness is the act of pardoning or excusing oneself or another without harboring resentment. But this is the key – what if we no longer judged people or ourselves in the first place? Then we would not need to pardon or excuse them, would we? The judgment that our ego-minds puts forth all day long is the problem. We constantly perceive our surroundings and compare and analyze them according to what we believe and know to be true. When we do that we are always making the actions of others or even ourselves right and wrong, or good and bad. As soon as we condemn ourselves or others we have the emotional reaction of pain and suffering. So why bother going through this whole process of perception, analysis, condemnation and then forgiveness? Why not just learn to perceive directly without the input of the belief system? If we perceived directly, we would not need to pardon or excuse anything. We would simply observe someone is taking an action that we either enjoy or do not enjoy. If we do not enjoy the outcome (like in the example of my friend) rather than condemning the person for their actions which does not accomplish anything (like me wanting to kill her) – we can take an action to shift our reality. When we approach a person without the energy of anger and condemnation they do not feel like they have to defend themselves. When we get angry at another person, that immediately creates the feeling of guilt within them. No person wants to feel guiltily because they associate the feeling of guilt with punishment and we do not like that experience having been domesticated with reward and punishment. To avoid feeling guilty, we immediately project that away from us and put the blame on the other person. If I came at my friend in that example with anger, she would have to defend herself so that she would not have to feel guilty. But if I was not angry with her, then she would have the opportunity to hear me out and she might be open to change her action and make amends. So there is a great benefit to not judging in the first place and avoiding the whole middle process of getting upset. If we took all that personal power that we invested in our fear-based emotional reactions and put that into positive action – the world would certainly be a better place. The bottom line is this: we must forgive for our judgment against others. People are always going to do what they do and it isn't always what we want, wish or hope for. So rather than getting angry let's take action to make the situation better, rather than trying to make someone else feel guilty. I invite you to join our WITH Forgiveness program of 52 days of free emails containing a daily lesson, affirmation and exercise to assist you in your healing process. Visit: www.withforgivenessmovie.com
Article Source: http://www.articledestination.com
Sheri Rosenthal DPM is a master Toltec teacher and author of The Complete Idiot’’s Guide to Toltec Wisdom and Banish Mind Spam!. Having trained with don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements®, she currently takes students on spiritual journeys www.journeysofthespirit.com and works with personal apprentices. You can reach her at info@sherirosenthal.com or www.sherirosenthal.com
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