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The other day my wife and I were listening to a science report about aluminum processing in Iceland. She stopped petting our cat and said, "See there? You can't get journalism like that anywhere else." She always says that when NPR has one of their high-quality, in-depth reports. But thinking about science caused her thoughts to take a reflective turn. "There are a couple things in my life that I wish were different." she said. "I wish I had understood math and had a chance to learn hands-on science. I went to nine schools in twelve years and there was a new way of teaching math in every place. In the end, it didn't make sense to me. I almost maxed the verbal part of the SAT but was close to 50% on the math section. When I went to college I knew the only way I could pass statistics and upper math was to get a tutor. It was worth it. Those were the only C's I got in college and I was thrilled with them. Passing meant I could finish my accounting degree. But I wish I had really understood math, and I wish I had taken more science courses." I let that sink in. And then I said to her, "If you had done well in math and science, it would have changed your whole life. You wouldn't have made the same choices or pursued the same career. Which means that you and I would never have met. You and I wouldn't be here right now, two lovers talking about National Public Radio, and you wouldn't be petting Max." She laughed and said, "That's true." This conversation triggered some recent memories of my oldest boy's wedding. As I danced with his bride, I held her lightly and took a good look into her brown eyes for the first time. Now here is a woman, I thought. My son chose well. I said the thing I wanted her to hear. Then I remembered what my son’s mother, my first wife, said to me a few minutes earlier, that I would have enjoyed being there to watch them grow up. It was a true statement, an affirmation of the good men they have become. The choice to leave that marriage happened thirty years ago. My mind went back to the painful moment of my leaving. I was fully conscious of what was happening... "...after dinner, I heard their voices, asking me to walk with them, as if they knew what I wanted most. One child on my shoulders, his unsure legs tightening against my chest as he reached for the lowest leaves and formed them into a bouquet that would be lost before sundown, the other child reaching up for my hand, asking to be held also. They asked questions. I gave them answers, wondering as we rounded the last corner if they saw that what was once bright and golden was now fading into purple, wondering if anything I had said or any part of this burning evening would be remembered by them. This bond was in my blood, and the rest would be in my imagination, which is where I go to find this late walk and aching arms full of memories..." That was the beginning of years that were difficult because my military career kept me from living close to them. They were also years of unprecedented happiness. I think, yes, it would have been wonderful to be there every day while they were still kids, but that's not what happened. When I married their mother I was as much in love as I could be. We were both very young, and as we grew older we walked down separate paths until we could no longer be with each other anymore. Now I enjoy both boys as grown men. Now both boys are happily married to beautiful, interesting, devoted women. But my first marriage was not a mistake. It wasn’t something that shouldn’t have happened. If I had not married my sons’ mother, I would not be at my oldest boy's wedding reception, dancing with his bride, because neither of my sons would now exist. Unthinkable! If I had not divorced my boys’ mother, neither she nor I would have found the marriages that now make us happy. Also unthinkable. A dance with your oldest boy’s bride at their wedding is a happiness that comes along only once in your life. How lucky I am that I was alive to enjoy the latest benefit of the incredible life-long chain of cause and effect that led to that moment.
Article Source: http://www.articledestination.com
Dennis E. Coates is CEO of Performance Support Systems, author of MindFrames, a brain-based personality assessment system (www.initforlife.com) and co-founder of the Train-to-Ingrain alliance (www.train-to-ingrain.com, info@train-to-ingrain.com, 800-488-6463), which delivers a reinforcement-centered approach to learning and development that achieves permanent, measurable improvements in workplace behavior and positive impacts on business results.
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