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From: www.indefinitearticles.co.uk Taxes to rise to pay for "Earth on the Rocks" Initiative - Moscow, 16th August, 2030 In a co-ordinated but controversial attempt to combat global warming, the United Nations announced in Moscow yesterday a commitment of a further $10 trillion for the initiative to transport ice from the polar regions of Mars to Earth’s own frozen wastes, thus reducing the soaring median temperatures of our planet by a targeted 4 degrees Celsius within 50 years. The program will also see water from the warmest of our seas siphoned out of Earth’s atmosphere and jettisoned in to deep space to assist with the drop in global temperatures and to maintain current sea levels. The initiative will result in higher taxes for every person on earth, according to the global "polluter pays" matrix established last year, with US citizens expected to pay the most - an extra two cents in the dollar in income tax. Opponents are sceptical of the benefits, citing increased pollution from the spacecraft used to "fire" the blocks of ice from Mars and others which later adjust the blocks’ trajectory before entry into Earth’s atmosphere, maintaining this will only add to greenhouse gases and eventually global warming. Excavation of the ice on Mars by a mixed team of human beings and robots proceeds according to plan, although rumours of demands for huge pay increases among drilling contractors are rife. While the human contractors do not land on Mars, supervising robot operations from orbit, the long periods in space and lack of physical comforts have apparently led to disquiet. Stories abound that contractors only complied with UN conditions after secret agreements were reached over the huge mineral reserves elsewhere on Mars. Well publicised horror stories of what could happen if control over one of the 10-mile ice cubes is lost during re-entry to Earth’s atmosphere have alarmed many scientific observers. The probable loss of over 50% of the ice due to re-entry burn up is also well documented, but the program is still considered essential. Testing of the "soft landing" techniques used to minimise the impact in the Arctic and Antarctic have faced "technical difficulties", but apparently are now proceeding more smoothly and involve slowing the blocks of ice to the minimum permissible speed to sustain flight as close to the ground as possible before the ice "plops" on to the polar ice caps. As today’s children in 3rd grade all know, our water evaporation rate increases by about 5%-10% per degree of increase in temperature. In the last thirty years the world has heated up twice as quickly as people thought at the turn of the millennium and because of evaporation we simply do not have enough rainfall to replenish fresh water. In answer to a question during the virtual meeting, UN Secretary General Kropotkin, 56, said, "Some would call this a desperate measure. In all honesty I would agree, but what else can we do? We know that we have inherited the consequences of how our planet was handled by our most recent predecessors, but wailing and gnashing of teeth achieve nothing. We have to persevere with this, as we have no alternative. If the initiative is successful, the Earth’s climate will be stabilised and we can look forward to a secure future, including the possible return of air travel to some degree so that I can answer your charming questions face to face. We all know the alternative and, sir, what have you done today to reduce global warming?" Wilder speculation focuses on the potential release from the melting ice on Earth of little green men and "Martian mega viruses", for which there may be no antidote. People seemed less concerned about the sudden impact on the heads of Earth’s few remaining penguins and polar bears of millions of tons of Martian ice. As one seasoned journalist remarked, "With or without ice, sometimes you end up with a headache." From: www.indefinitearticles.co.uk © Alex MacCaskill November 2005
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